In an hour of darkness and total disregard I was alone and trapped in my mental. A brother reached out with kind words. Its reads as follows:
I know its been a while since this topic was written but at the time you weren't a failure and everyone still believes you're not a failure. We conversed like the brothers we are. You chose to explain to me what you were feeling. I understood all you said but I gave you my perspective on what failure was and you my brother are far from what failure is in my world. I emphasized all the good you have done in peoples lives. Just to be considered part of original LYMlife bloodline is an honor and privilege I will hold onto even after death. Many people in your life circle believe in you and follow you and will continue to follow you and push you to do greater things. I for one will be there every step of the way. After all that I have said which isn't much compared to the bond we have as family not with just you but those who truly are of the LYMLife bloodline I have realized exactly what you meant about feeling like a failure. I too have that feeling of failure. It's not a feeling of being down and out, but a feeling of not accomplishing what I want in life. I just started the master's program just to do it for myself the degree and money won't benefit me in my opinion. What will is the experience I gain at work and on the field. I still want to complete the program, it is one of my personal goals. I feel like a failure because of the effort I've put into the program. I haven't done well in two out of three classes and makes me feel like a failure. I'm better than that I know it but I've lost the urgency, the enthusiasm of doing the work and learning. I've been content by just getting by to get a grade. To me that is failure, not pushing yourself and knowing that you can accomplish more. The struggle will always be there but it's the inner findings of oneself that defines what failure is to us. I've been told many people wish they were in my shoes. A degree, a job in my field of choice, love, and support from family and friends. They see things and give compliments of the outside, but it's inside of us that really defines success and failure. Losing the desire to do something to better yourself and this world is a failure in my eyes. Right now I feel like a failure because of not putting the effort into bettering myself and not finding it in myself to push through. Even as I "crossfit" on a daily basis I have gone through the motions and have not bettered myself physically as well . Yes I know I have a bummed shoulder and at certain points cannot continue to workout the way I want. I want prove to myself and all the so called elite athletes that I can hang with them. So being the competitor I am and think back to my wrestling days and how I would fight just to be on the mat no matter what. I feel like I have failed in that wrestling way of life "leaving it all on the mat." Same with the life I am living. I have a circle of family and friends that anyone would love to have and I wouldn't change it for the world. These days of being a failure will pass because there is one thing that is for certain FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
This excerpt was written by Dennis Smith a blood member of LYMLIFE. He is my brother though we may not physically resemble each other he has truly paid dues and proves his genuine love for the movement and my family. Forever will he hold a place in my heart. Salute To a true warrior.....
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